Some Serve. Some Swerve: The Coolest and Least Cool NFL Mascots

Get ready to be blown away by some of the coolest and least cool mascots the NFL has to offer. From being named after bread to looking like a botched plastic surgery, the NFL has a very wide variety of mascots to offer. We’ll start on a more positive note with the Top 5. 

Photo: Sports Mascots Wiki

5. Cleveland Browns: Chomps

The Browns’ cute-yet-menacing persona is one of the only things Browns fans can reliably count on for joy. Chomps might not be the flashiest, but he gives off major golden retriever energy—which easily earns him a spot on the mascot power rankings. Plus, how could you not love his fuzzy little face?

4. T.D.: Miami Dolphins

What a great name. I mean, naming your mascot “T.D.” almost automatically sets you up for success and shows how much confidence the team has. Sure, he’s a dolphin wearing a football jersey—and yes, that raises a few questions about marine wildlife in cleats—but so be it. He’s not necessarily intimidating, but I feel like he’d throw the absolute best pool party.

3. Staley Da Bear: Chicago Bears

This bear looks like a Build-A-Bear that eats copious amounts of protein and hits the gym seven times a week. With those beady little eyes, he gives off major predator energy, making him one of the most intimidating mascots in the NFL.

2. Sourdough Sam: San Francisco 49ers

Sourdough Sam is really out here representing a whole food group and a football team. Being named after something so delicious automatically qualifies him for this list. The only downside to Sourdough Sam is that he constantly looks like he’s either trying to catch a grape in his mouth or mid-sneeze—but I think we can look past that.

Photo: Getty Images

1. Swoop: Philadelphia Eagles

Swoop is like the first class of NFL mascots—no goofy smile plastered on his face; just him existing is enough. He looks clean and put together, totally serving athletic chic. It probably helps that the Eagles won the Super Bowl this year, but even if they didn’t, Swoop just seems like an effortlessly cool guy.

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Now that we’ve heard about the top, let's reach our hand down to the bottom of the barrel for coolest mascots. Now, this isn’t to say they don’t bring anything to the table, but let's just compare them to ourselves in middle school— braces and all. 

5. Poe: Baltimore Ravens

You would think a raven mascot sounds pretty legit, but somehow the Ravens' mascot may have skipped one too many leg days. With a name like Poe, he wasn’t given much of a chance to be intimidating, and the proportions of the mascot outfit just make it worse. The head is huge—which isn't unusual for mascots—but there’s no costume part for the legs, which makes anyone’s legs look small. You could put Dwayne Johnson in that costume and it still wouldn't look right. He might’ve had a shot at being cool if he wasn’t busy worrying about getting his head stuck in a doorway.

Photo: KIrksville Daily Express

4. KC Wolf: Kansas City Chiefs 

I was shocked when I saw Kansas City’s mascot. A team known for being one of the best and most consistent in the NFL has a mascot that looks like a Country Bear Jamboree understudy. I know it says "wolf," but he’s somewhere between a wolf and a bear for me. I guess this just proves that the mascot isn’t everything. While he may not be cool, he definitely seems like a fun and chaotic presence.

3. Sir Saint: New Orleans Saints 

Whoa. That’s a big chin. Looking at him makes me think of those villain origin stories: everyone made fun of his chin, so he just snapped and turned into the next Lord Voldemort. With his chin taking up at least 80% of the screen, no one’s even going to be able to watch the game. Luckily, the Saints have a different mascot that carries, so this backup guy is just out here doing the best he can.

2. Bolt Man: San Diego Chargers 

While the lightning bolt ears are a nice touch, Bolt Man doesn’t exactly scream cool. His face is frozen in a permanent state of shock, but it’s hard to tell if it’s the electric or surprising kind. I get what he’s going for with the look of excitement, but it seems like he was starting to get a little bit wrinkly and went too hard on the Botox. It doesn’t help that he is always wearing sunglasses so we can't get past his face. His face does look really smooth, so maybe I should take a page out of his book and get some Botox. 

Photo: Mascot Hall of Fame

1. Raider Rusher: Las Vegas Raiders

If you’ve ever seen Sharkboy and Lava Girl, Raider Rusher has got to be Mr. Electric's distant cousin. The “rushing” part of his name sounds pretty accurate, but more like rushing to the costume store for a new look. His lack of a neck and giant head don’t give him the coolest reputation, but hey, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, I guess.

Although I wouldn’t consider some of these mascots the most cool, they all bring something to the table. They bring joy to the kids (and adults) that come to the games and give us sports fans someone to interact with at the games. There's nothing like the happiness a mascot can bring to sports fans, especially when your team is losing. 

Edited by Taylor N. Hall